How To Let Them Go 101

         Today is the day the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118: 24

So today started off a little different because I woke up in peace. I can feel the toxic levels draining out of me. The past few weeks were difficult because even though I made my mind up that I was separating myself from anything and anyone who wasn't leading me to my purpose, it still took some work, to mentally reprogram my mindset. Today was actually the first day I felt like I had finally gained full clarity on what it is that God is actually trying to get me to understand. So I told you about my mom, this past weekend I tried to do something nice for her. I messed up and told her earlier this week what I wanted to do and again she found a way to sabotage it, per usual. She then proceeded to try and throw me under the bus like I was the problem (or lied basically). I called Friday 8 times no answer, no response, but her story is that I never sent it and I never called. Now I say all of that to say this, God's timing is perfect. Last night it was heavy on my mind but I have been learning to surrender everything to God. So I prayed on it and the answer I got blew my mind. I know my mom doesn't like me, I have always known that. She makes it painfully obvious every chance she gets. So God told me "it is not your job to heal her, and even though you are doing something nice out of love, she doesn't receive it" her spirit isn't open! I watched a YouTube video to look for answers and I will reference you to it "3 signs God is telling you to give up on someone" Steven Furtick Victory. What he spoke on that hit me was when he said "whatever door God opens for you no one can close, whatever door God closes no one can open" then he proceeded to say "Some of you have been trying to open a door that God has already closed" mannnn mannn mannn! So fast forward to this morning I woke up at 6 a.m. put it on another video because I could tell that God wanted to talk to me so this time it was "How to spot demons in family and friends" (smiling faces, hidden intensions) "the truth about toxic loved ones" Sarah Jakes Roberts. Then it was "Stop helping who God is trying to remove" (God's chosen you, Stop helping who God is trying to remove) Motivation Up channel. God told me that "all though I appreciate you loving and doing good things to be a good daughter, you are actually getting in the way of my work"! In the video he described how cutting someone off isn't to be mean, but by me always trying to bless the ungrateful who aren't deserving, I am taking away from blessing those who God wants me to bless who are deserving. Also that you reap what you sew, that God makes everyone "FRUITFUL" and if you sew you will reproduce fruit. Everyone can eat, but the lazy ones will starve, and by me always trying to do good to ungrateful people I am feeding people who should be starving instead of feeding someone who deserves to eat. When it's put like that it makes perfect sense, right? Right! My problem is that, THAT IS MY MOM, how do I just cut off my mom and still feel like I am obeying God when he also tells me to honor thy mother and father? Well the next part that came up said: By always doing things for someone who God is trying to tell you to stay away from, even though it is coming from a loving place, you are actually interfering with God's work on that person and that is being disobedient to God. Well Well Well, there you have it. That's all I needed to hear. 

It may seem like a punishment, but I know that God isn't punishing me and I am not trying to punish anyone that I love either. The separation isn't a punishment to me It is protection. I prayed for God to separate me from anything and anyone who isn't of him and I lost my oldest son and my youngest daughter. My mom has always been an issue, but I believe in her, I see the good in her. Tha's my MOM! Even as I cry right now in real life writing this to you, I LOVE MY MOM! For whatever reason unbeknown to me "she hates me" she always has. I am learning that when you are chosen by the higher spirit that evil people will always hate you for no reason. She is my criptonite. So it is over. I no longer from this day forward will have any future contact with my mother. I will pray for her everyday and I wish her the best. My New Life is so important. The work that God has in store for me I know that he needs me, all of me. So I have to sacrifice my relationship with my mother to be obedient to my work with God. I made a promise to God to do whatever he says and I do it with grace. It might not make sense all the way at the moment but my faith is so deep that I don't question God, whatever he says to do, I might just say are you sure? lol. But once I feel that "what'd did I say look" I just do it. It always makes sense right away or later. Either way I am just a soldier doing God's work, so it's not for my understanding. I hope that this helps someone. 

Love, 

Crystal Caine

Easter 2025 New Beginnings

 

                    So today I set my alarm for 10 a.m. but God had other plans for me. I was woken up by thunder at 7 a.m. something told me to turn on the morning service for a new church that was suggested to me. Crazy enough the service was just starting, so I was right on time. God's timing is perfect. First let me back up a few weeks ago to March 21, 2024; I woke up and took a shower. Unlike other days, today felt different. I got out the shower, got dressed, did my hair, put on something really nice, went to eat at an expensive restaurant ( Mudd Buggs Buda Tx. ) when I was waiting for my food, I started to feel out of place. My arms full of tattoos, tattoos on my neck, lol, people looking at me like I don't belong here; at least that's what a voice in my head was saying. I told myself "show them that you are more than what you look like you are" so when the waiter came I spook a little louder so they could here me order and ask questions about how they would be cooking certain items on the menu, not just with respect, but also with an educated mindset and passion for food. I could see that my communication skills, knowledge, etiquette, and my use of certain vocabulary words was quite impressive to them as if at that moment I was excepted into their circle. My food came a time later and I was eating the only way I knew how, but I noticed how the woman next to was eating with such grace and class. Now I have never wanted to be like anyone in my life, but at that moment I wanted to be more like her. She looked soft and classy, I was intrigued. It was at that moment that I wanted to elevate my game. Everything about was and is awesome, but something inside wanted to grow; wanted to rise up to such a higher level that even I wouldn't recognize myself anymore. So we left the restaurant and on the way home I told Kevin, I'm going to turn myself in. I don't think he was really feeling me because it was so random, I went alone to my bedroom and called the police on myself. When they came they took me to jail because I had a warrant that was 20 years old. Now fast forward to a few hours later when I finally made it to the holding tank, I was like WHAT DID I DO? Whyyyyyyyy on earth did I do this to myself? Just as I was about to get upset with that little voice in my head saying "YOUR SO STUPID" I was like OK GOD, what is it that you want me to hear? TALK TO ME, IT'S JUST ME AND YOU!!! Let's go, come on talk to me! It took me forever to really hear God but when I did. He said " Everytime I give you your wings, you let someone you love, cut them" I said, MAN THAT'S DEEP! So I was in jail for 5 days. On day one, I gave myself to God in such a way that I didn't even think twice about it. At that moment I felt relief come through my spirit and my body. My old life that I had been on my healing journey from, in my previous journals, WAS OVER! My life as I knew it, was dead. Long story short I didn't eat for 5 days and I barely drank any water, but every time my mind started racing (was my first excercise) I didn't have any of my medications for my mental health issues; I was just repeat over and over again "GOD Please control my thoughts" until it stopped. Day 2 at 9:30 p.m. I made it up to my housing unit, now I went in on Saturday afternoon and stayed in a tank by myself until 3 a.m. So it is now Sunday night, I was in ready to fight, cause come on now it's jail. I was ready, ready, lol. I walked in and the whole unit was reading out the Bible out loud. I went to my bunk I hadn't been to sleep in almost 2 days, I was tired, I had already started hallucinating a little bit, I was extremely dehydrated. I made one phone call before they cut the phones off, and went back to my bunk. Not knowing what to expect cause it's about to be cut off time. At 10 p.m. it was lights out. Quiet. I hear a loud voice say "They're four corners to my bed"... everyone repeats word for word. 

BUNK PRAYER

They're four corners to my bed

lay four angels at my head

Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John

Lord bless this bunk I rest upon

Angels to the East

Angels to the West

Lord bless our families 

as they rest.

I may not be where I want to be,

but thank God I'm not where I used to be.

Lord please forgive us for our sins.

In Jesus name I pray

Amen

Then we said one Hail Mary prayer.

I knew at that moment I was right where God wanted me at that moment at that precise time. God's timing is perfect. So that started the Begginings of my New Life. I got out and came home. I knew on day 5 that I was gonna walk knee deep in my purpose, with every promise that I made to God over the past few days. I killed my old life the moment that I went to jail. God gave me 5 days to mourn that life and to really process what that meant. With no distractions, I fasted for the first time, not meaning to just because that food was nasty I never eat when I'm in jail. Everything that I did over these past 5 days was all the new foundation for my new life. Every night I pray at 10 p.m. that same set of 2 prayers. No matter where I am or what i'm doing. I set my alarm at 10 p.m. when that alarm goes off I stop what i'm doing and I pray out loud, just like I did when I was born in that moment in jail. I fast 16:8. I got out and I logged off all social media. I just stayed talking to God for a month straight. I was transitioning, you know when you give birth to a new born, you take them home from the hospital, you keep them in the house for at least a month or two or even three. Only take the baby outside for Dr. appointments only. To protect them from germs and any dangerous things in the air, to give them a chance to let their little immune system to get stronger. That is what I did with myself. My New Life, I had to protect my energy and my spirit, while it was building up inside me. I meditated for 30 days, I practiced discipline. God told me to reach out to someone I trust dearly. I asked what does surrendering mean. She referred me to a church in Houston. I did my first Bible study that Wednesday, April 16, 2025. Now that is why today was so special and extremely divine. God's timing is perfect, He woke me up when he needed me to be up to hear what he needed to tell me. "This is the day that the Lord had made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24

I am Crystal Caine, please allow me to reintroduce myself.