February 23, 2026 My letter to YAYA!

 I wrote this to you February 23, 2016... 

I remember.... The time when you would have your lil feet pushing your walker around, when | looked up at you in your crib and you were looking over the rail like feed me bitch, when you played volleyball at south Austin rec and they were down by 15 points and you served and brought them back to win the game, when you cried at the game and me and your dad were like why are you crying and you lied and said there's a penny in my shoe, when you played basketball at south Austin rec and they threw you the ball and you wanted no parts of it so you would always throw the ball away but one day you had no one to throw it at so you had to shoot it and you made a 3, and darius was so jealous cause he couldn't make 3's and you was just wetting them up after that, when you would cry at your birthday because all your friends really only came to see Darius, the first time you had a boyfriend, the first time you got your heart broke, the first time I let you drive my Cadillac and you stepped on the brake with your left foot and almost broke my dam nose on the dashboard, when you walked across the stage, when you had a break down because you do so much to please everyone else around you and forget about yourself, when you showed me how to be a better person and mother and to know my worth, when you hurt your knee and were laying out on the court and I ran down to you and acted an ass and you yelled at me lol, BUT WHAT I REMEMBER THE MOST IS THAT YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE the Dr said that you had died in my stomach and I had to schedule a DNC and I never did it I prayed for God to do his work and if you were really dead to let you come out on your own and two months later I'll never forget I felt you kick and here you are YOU ARE A BLESSING AND EVERYTHING THAT I WANNA BE....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND I LOVE YOU Victoria 

Today I write to you 10 years later on February 23, 2026...

I first wrote you this 10 years ago, and today I add that you are an absolutely amazing mother! You don't just go above and beyond, you really are the heartbeat of your family. You carry so much strength in your silence and so much love in everything that you do. You give without keeping score, sacrifice without complaint, and somehow you still find the energy to smile when everyone is tired. You are the comfort and courage wrapped into one soul. You have hugs that can heal what words can't, you have patience inside of you and a voice that can calm any storm. An amazing mother doesn't just raise a child, I call you an amazing mother because I watch you building character, teaching resilience, planting seeds of confidence that I see growing every day in your daughter. You are grace under pressure. You are patience in chaos. Most importantly you are unconditional love in it's purest form. No matter how old you get just remember that you are my baby, my heart outside my body, I made you from scratch, out of all my failures and all my mistakes, you are my greatest masterpiece and all my success in one! I LOVE YOU & HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAYA aka WABBIT

Only you can prevent forest fires!

     

                    Today I am really feeling so free. I am finally actually getting to know myself on a whole other level. I really thought that by cutting my mom and 2 of my kids completely off that I would feel some kind of pain; but I didn't feel any pain at all- just relief! The pain I had already endured trying to make the relationships work, had already built me into a complete warrior, built to handle anything. The craziest part about it all is that they don't even realize that I'm gone. They in their minds think I am just mad and that I will be back eventually like I always am. Let's get one thing clear though- I have never been mad at them, it's hurt. Yes, I get pissed off because I don't tolerate the disrespect. I am passionate about my kids and my family. They are my complete world. I have never been good enough for my mom! So, when I turned 50 years old, I was done trying. Funny my mom and my 2 children always blame me for everything that ever goes wrong, I'm the problem, so I said "if I am the problem then that is a simple fix" I'm gone. Period, point blank! That simple; right? Well for me my life is great! I am so happy, I do not have a toxic molecule around. NOTHING IN MY LIFE IS NEGATIVE IN ANY WAY! All positivity and love. All three of them still have the issues they been having. The only difference is that they can't blame me. 

                    God whispered in my ear: Trust me, this isn't a punishment for you, It's a protection. I was, as I always am obedient. Trusting the process. Loving the journey. Protecting my peace! I have only the people who love me, the correct way in my life. I have 2 sons and a daughter- who show me every day that I am loved and that I am wanted, most importantly, I am appreciated! 

                    I have been abused by my mom mentally, verbally, and physically. It created a monster inside of me. I was raised by wolves, so yes, I have a very animal, and crazy monster inside me. I am far from perfect; but I also never claimed to be. I take full accountability for any & all of my actions. You take it low and I take it to hell. I don't blame anyone for how I am. We can sit here all day and play the blame game, with who and what made me this way; but I choose not to. I chose to believe that God created me this way for my purpose. I am not a victim; I am a survivor. 

Let me leave you with this for today:

A bear walks on all four legs, then when you poke the bear, it will raise up and attack. Don't poke the bear then play victim to what happens next; only you can prevent forest fires! 

                                             Love, Crystal Caine