A Note To My Daughters....

 A Note To My Daughters

        Let me first start by apologizing for anything and everything that I did wrong, ever in your life. Being a parent does not come with a handbook. So it is all trial and error. Where I come from and how I was raised it wasn't from a loving place either so I didn't come with feelings or emotions that would have probably made me be a better mother off the top. In fact you all raised me all 5 of you. I write this letter to you 3 because you are my biggest accomplishment, while also being my biggest mistakes. The best thing I ever did in my life was make y'all from scratch. My biggest mistakes came from me not knowing how to be a mother. I was only 17 when I had your brother. Needless to say we all grew up together. I really wanted to go get myself together and come back and get y'all and I thought everything would be perfect then. My dreams were shattered because by the time I got myself together you were already very comfortable with where you were at; that thought never crossed my mind. I know now and my explanation to you all is, there is a very small window that you are given in your kids life to be a good mother or father, and when that window closes it's over and you can never get that chance back. When you were born I had dropped out of high school, never went to prom, and I didn't have any job skills, so I did what most woman in my situation do I started stripping. I was selling drugs way before you were born, I was most definitely raised in the streets by the streets; because when you can't get love from home and you don't have a good support system that shows you love and there is only physical abuse and verbal abuse, the streets always feel more like home. When it's hard to make your parents proud and all you long for is that "good job I'm so proud of you" that you never get no matter how hard you try or how good you do, it's really easy to get trapped in the street life. I developed the skills I needed to survive in the streets from all the anger I had built up from home. It was easy to make a name for myself cause I didn't take shit from no one. See you don't know what it's like to have to crawl out of the a muddy sink hole because I sacrificed myself and my life to make sure that you didn't have to. I am extremely proud of you for every thing that you have accomplished; each and every one of you has made a life that I could only dream of for yourselves and by yourselves. You raised me. I didn't raise you because we grew up together. I love you with all my heart. I love that I had the type of parents that spoiled me but it also hindered me. That's why I spoiled ya'll but I also was honest with y'all about my mistakes as embarrassing as my past was I was never ashamed to tell you about it. My thought was that I wanted you to learn from my mistakes. Especially since I was still making so many of them. This year I turn 50 years old and I think I am just now understanding everything, making peace with my position and most definitely putting my energy into being a much better moo-moo then I was a mother. 

To be continued. 

Love MOM